You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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