Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He better not be in your backpack
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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