He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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