fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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