their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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