Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm just crazy horny about you
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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