I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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