I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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