I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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