I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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