im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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