my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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