I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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