Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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My breasts were aching with rage.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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