Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My vagina just recognized that song.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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