So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I deserve this hangover.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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