My liver just broke up with me...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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