she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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