There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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