My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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