fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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