Can i not drive my cunt home
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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