I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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