she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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