You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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