it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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