Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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