Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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