I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize