i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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