things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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