had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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