don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize