youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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