I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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