Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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