I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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