For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize