Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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