I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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