we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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