HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize