Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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