I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize