It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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