Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He felt like a one man threesome
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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