I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize