I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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