so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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