I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
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who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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